Everything is embarrassing

Yellow Day

When I was about 12 years old, I graduated from my quaint Primary school and started at a new high school. In England, they combine high school and middle school, so I was pretty young. It was a much larger school than I was used to and I had a pretty hard time with it. I couldn’t eat at school for the first few days, and I was constantly crying. I was able to make some friends here and there, but it took a while for anything to stick.

My favorite class was music. I had been playing the piano since I was 7 and have grown to find a lot of comfort in the piano. They would open up the piano room and I would be able to play whenever I was having a rough day.

Around the time when things started to get better, the school announced Yellow day! Eveeryone was encouraged not to wear their uniforms and dress in yellow. I, for one, was ecstatic, I hated my blazer and tie. I took it very seriously and got completely decked out. I was a pretty gangly looking 12 year old. I was around 5’8”, and could fit into the majority of my 6’1” moms clothes. I raided her closet and found everything that she owned in Yellow. It was 2013 around this time, so bright colors were somewhat in style, at least for my mom.

I had yellow pants, shoes, shirt, and even a scarf. I was PSYCHED! In my head I thought everyone would be wearing yellow, but I would be cool because I would outdo everyone.

I got out of the car, and started walking into school. NO ONE was wearing yellow. I didn’t get the memo, but apparently the cool thing to do was to ignore the theme and just wear whatever you want. Everyone was looking at me.

At lunchtime, I was so embarrassed and didn’t want to be seen by anyone new. I went to the music room and played the piano.

I started to hear some talking outside of the door. I moved away from the piano and sat on a chair a little ways away from the piano. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was in there, let alone that I was bright yellow.

The door swung open, and this boy and girl from my grade walked in. I knew them from my PE class, but they were pretty loud and rude so I avoided them. When they came into the room they immediately started laughing at me. The girl started talking about how I looked like a lemon, then the boy chimed in with a clever line and said since I was so tall, I look more like a banana! Great.

Just when I thought that comparing me to fruits was as bad as it could get, the boy walked over and reached for my bra strap poking out of my shirt. He grabbed it and pulled it from my shoulder to pinged it against my skin. He asked what kind of bra it was, and I just remained silent. How violating!

I think my lack of reaction must have drove them away, because I don’t remember anything else after that.

Everything is embarrassing

The reason why I share this isn’t to trauma dump The Great Yellow Day Disaster of 2013. I can laugh about it now! But to be honest, I thought it was the most embarrassing moment of my life. Looking back though, who is to blame a girl for being on theme!! To this day, I LOVE a theme and really try to go all out.

I still have experiences where I do the most, or am passionate about something and end up being embarrassed for going all out.

Recently I have learned that literally everything is embarrassing, so why not?

I definitely do a lot of embarrassing things. Maybe I just have embarrassing passions, I don’t know. For example, I am studying social media marketing and want to prove I know what I am doing by posting more. I have been so nervous about doing that though because I know I am going to get judged.

Like literally who cares?

Now that I am a lot older, those kids were genuinely just mean and probably trying to fit in in their own way. I don’t think we ever even spoke again, and I’m sure they don’t even remember it.

My point is, if there is something you want to do but are too embarrassed to do it, just remember that everything is embarrassing. Worst thing that happens is you are going to get judged and people will talk about you. One, they are not your friends, and two, its going to be embarrassing until it isn’t. There will be a turning point where you get good at this embarrassing thing, and no one will be laughing then!

I have been thinking about what the worst thing that could happen would be. Usually, its just that I will get judged. Nothing seriously bad will happen. Even on yellow day, the worst thing that happened was that I got judged. And guess what, those kids never spoke to me again. Totally fine with me!

Anyways, thanks for tuning in<3 I hope you do something embarrassing and live to tell the tale!